


Lifetime

by nekonyoung



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Alternate Universe, Ambiguous/Open Ending, How do you even tag lol, Is It Angst?, M/M, Mutual Pining, Pining, Some Fluff, lots of pining
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-10
Updated: 2020-08-10
Packaged: 2021-03-06 03:42:48
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,050
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25826869
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/nekonyoung/pseuds/nekonyoung
Summary: Was there a lifetime waiting for us in a world where I was yours? Was it the wrong time, what if we tried giving in a little more?
Relationships: Miya Atsumu/Sakusa Kiyoomi
Comments: 2
Kudos: 45





	Lifetime

**Author's Note:**

> For some reason, I was inspired by Ben&Ben's song called Lifetime so if you're looking for something to listen to as you read this, I would like to suggest that song.
> 
> Also, this is nonbetaed(?) AT ALL. I was in my room, listening to some songs when this came up and I started typing like a maniac and didn't even stop. Like it was just. There. All of a sudden lol so if there are any mistakes, feel free to point them out just be gentle with me lol. Enjoy!

**_Was there a lifetime waiting for us in a world where I was yours?_ **

Sakusa Kiyoomi can count on one hand the number of times he got his heart broken.

The first time was when his first puppy died. A puppy given to him by his uncle when he was about 4 years old. He named him Sky (yes, as in Luke SKYwalker, after that Star Wars character). He was a precious thing, that puppy, woke him up every morning and would snuggle with him in bed at night. Especially during really strong storms. It was as if the puppy knew he was scared of thunder and was always there to comfort him whenever he couldn’t sleep because of it. One day, when the door was left open longer than necessary, Sky ran out in excitement. Kiyoomi was still fast asleep as it was early in the morning. His mom was cleaning their front yard when Sky ran past her, she tried to go after him but he was too fast she lost sight of him. A few minutes later, she saw Sky lying down near their neighbor’s house. He looked really sick so she took him home. He started vomiting when they arrived and when Kiyoomi woke up, Sky drew his last breath. Kiyoomi was inconsolable the entire day, he cried especially hard when they started burying the puppy on an empty field near where they live.

The second time was from a girl a couple of years his senior. He wasn’t exactly an outgoing person but this girl was really patient with him and smiled and hung out with him. He was in fourth grade and she was in sixth, every after school, they would run around and have fun with their small circle of friends. Eventually, he developed feelings he couldn’t really understand so he kept it all hidden. But feelings spill and people find out and it got to the point where he really needed to talk to someone so one night, during a sleepover with his cousin Komori, he told every confusing feeling and every ache and every butterfly in his stomach. It felt somehow liberating. A few years passed and Kiyoomi felt like they were growing apart, she started hanging out with friends he really didn’t like and one time, he heard her talking one time.

“Kiyoomi? Are you serious?” she said, she was lively and bright and beautiful as ever then. Her friends were laughing at the time as well. “Yeah, I think he likes you.” She laughed louder, and Kiyoomi started to dislike the tone she was making. “Ew. He’s ugly.” And walked off with her friends. Ever since, Kiyoomi detached himself from everyone and only hung out with Komori.

The third time came in the form of hands rougher than his, gazes that burn so intensely that Kiyoomi thought he was going to burn if he ever dares to meet them. His name, was Miya Atsumu…

**_Paper planes and porcelain_ **  
**_Smell of rain through the window pane_ **  
**_And the sight of you_ **  
**_Oh, you were a good dream_ **

They met towards the end of summer of Kiyoomi’s last year in high school. He was the energetic drummer of a school rock band, he was smart, he was gorgeous, and everyone fell for him with just one smile. It was different for Kiyoomi, he saw him as a mystery, a puzzle he was yet to solve and had often wondered if he will ever be able to solve one Miya Atsumu.

He was part of the school program’s organizing committee and was in charge of helping the band set up their instruments on stage. He assisted them for practice when Atsumu first said hi to him. He felt immediately drawn to him, like something was telling him, pushing him even, to make conversation. He did, of course, Kiyoomi was also interested in music at the time and after practice, it was all they ever talked about. Atsumu eventually invited him to come to their practice during summer vacation. Kiyoomi was hesitant at first but upon meeting Atsumu’s eyes, there was something about it that made him say yes.

And it went on…

Every week, they would meet up and he would go to practice with them. Eventually, he made friends with Atsumu’s friends, including his very reserved twin brother Osamu. For the first time in so long, Kiyoomi felt like he found his people. The ones he could stick with apart from his cousin who had always been there from the beginning of course. But Komori always pushed Kiyoomi to just go out there and meet new friends. He was proud of Kiyoomi of course, he wasn’t the type to develop interest with music so he couldn’t fully be there when Kiyoomi developed a passion for the arts and music. With Atsumu, Kiyoomi felt like he discovered a new world, a place where he can just be himself and express himself with every strum and with every beat. Atsumu was there too, this being that Kiyoomi couldn’t look away from and it confused him a bit. It felt familiar in a way, and it also felt scary. He really couldn’t tell what it was.

But ever since that day, they became inseparable. It almost felt like they found their soulmates with each other and of course soulmates don’t necessarily mean they’re to be romantically involved with each other or anything, it just meant that they’re each other’s constant. Atsumu grounded Kiyoomi whenever he felt like he was about to float into nothingness and Atsumu said he felt the same way. Those years that he spent with Atsumu was probably the best years of Kiyoomi’s life. Even when he found a new passion in his life, even when he discovered his true calling, Atsumu was there to support him, and he was to him all the same. 

  
**_I was scared to lose you then_ **  
**_But secrets turn into regrets_ **  
**_Buried feelings grow_ **  
**_Oh, you were a good dream_ **

Days turned into months, and months turned into years. Even as time had separated them and made different plans for them, Atsumu and Kiyoomi stayed the same. On the surface, it might seem like that, but somewhere deep down, Kiyoomi knew he was changing. He became more aware of himself, understood more about the world, and saw what he’s been hiding and denying himself all these years.

Sakusa Kiyoomi, one day, as suddenly as it came, that he was in love with Miya Atsumu.

It was a rainy afternoon and Kiyoomi decided to stay in bed for the remainder of the day. His parents moved abroad for work and he was left in a small apartment to himself. Often times, the silence is a welcome peace in his life. It was the only time he could escape the noise of the world outside and the only time where he could think of a certain boy with hands rougher than his, and a gaze so intense he could feel himself burn whenever he dares to meet them. But today is different though, Kiyoomi was just sitting on his bed, reading a book when he received a call from Atsumu. He sounded different, so forced, and Kiyoomi immediately knew there was something wrong. A few hours passed, he heard a loud knock on the door, and when he opened them, Atsumu was there with a huge forced smile on his face, his eyes were swollen and red and Kiyoomi could tell he had been crying. Wordlessly, he stepped aside to allow Atsumu in his home. He looked around the house, trying so desperately not to meet Kiyoomi’s eyes and he was especially talkative. Kiyoomi didn’t say anything then and just waited for Atsumu to burn himself out. Eventually, Atsumu gave in, when they were sitting in the living room in complete silence and Atsumu said, “you haven’t said anything since I got here.” Kiyoomi took a sip of his tea and said, “because I know whatever you were talking about isn’t the thing you came here for.”

And with that, Kiyoomi felt warmth at his side, crushing him with such force that he knew it was taking everything Atsumu had not to bawl like a child. He ran his fingers through the others hair and allowed him to cry in silence. Once he was calm enough, Kiyoomi took Atsumu to his bedroom and waited until sleep finally envelopes the other.

In the darkness of the night, Kiyoomi could feel his heart breaking. He could hear every crack, and feel it chipping slowly until his heart was worn down. He wasn’t heartbroken because of his own feelings, he felt heartbroken because he didn’t know what else he could do for, and this is the first time he’s allowing his mind to admit to this, the love of his life. Atsumu was sleeping peacefully by his side, tears stained his cheek and he wipes them away. With only his bedside lamp illuminating them both, Kiyoomi watched Atsumu breathing evenly. His thumb rubbing circles with the other’s arm and Kiyoomi has not known peace like this. It felt like they belong there, in a quiet bed away from the noise and the pain and the disappointment, just facing each other and seeing one another because that’s all that really matters not only in this moment, but for every waking day of their lives. For the first time in Kiyoomi’s life, he felt like he was truly at home.

_**Was there a lifetime waiting for us in a world where I was yours?** _  
_**Was it the wrong time, what if we tried giving in a little more?** _

“Kiyoomi?” Atsumu mutters sleepily, his eyes remained closed and he sighs, he also looks at peace in Kiyoomi’s bed. “Hm?” he hums in response, “why can’t I just fall in love with you?” Atsumu’s hand finds its way to Kiyoomi’s and the world suddenly stopped turning. Kiyoomi could only stare and Atsumu opened his tear stained eyes and Kiyoomi suddenly feel like his whole world is shattering. The reality that Atsumu was there, ever present, in his arms and staring deeply into his eyes but there was a nagging feeling in his chest that maybe this isn’t really the time. Maybe they were destined to meet but was never destined for something more. Maybe the peace that they just had was one-sided and it was just Kiyoomi who felt and felt and felt until finally, when faced with reality, he felt so lost and empty. His lips quivered, and he fought to still his racing heartbeat. Hesitantly, he reached for Atsumu’s cheek with his finger and while fighting back the tears he says in a whisper, “I don’t know.”

In that moment, Kiyoomi knew that Atsumu knew. His heart spilled again and Atsumu felt every bit of it but even with all of that, nothing happened between them. They were stuck in this hole of friendship and they were both too scared to take a leap and just…go for it.

Atsumu reached for the hand holding his cheek, he closed his eyes and leaned towards it as if taking in the warmth that Kiyoomi can offer. He kissed his palm and dragged himself closer, whispering “I’m sorry” to Kiyoomi’s ear and held him so close that Kiyoomi could hear his heartbeat. And just like earlier, but with the roles reversed, Kiyoomi cried in silence with only the rain softly hitting his windows and Atsumu’s heartbeat as his lullaby. As he drifts off to sleep, he felt Atsumu’s lips on his forehead. The feeling spread throughout his entire body like a blanket keeping him warm and safe in the night.

The following morning, Kiyoomi woke up to an empty bed, breakfast was waiting for him at the dining area with a small handwritten note from Atsumu that says:

**Maybe not now, maybe soon. I love you.**  
**\- Atsumu**

  
The silence that followed as he read the note word for word, banged on his ear. His heart bursts into tiny little pieces and Kiyoomi stood there wondering how he can ever glue them back together again. The tears eventually came, along with a sharp pain on his chest, that was so painful, he couldn’t bear standing up as time went on. If not now, then when? If you’re so sure that it will be soon, then why not now? If you truly loved me, why leave? His mind was filled with more questions and no one was there to answer them. If Kiyoomi knew that last night will be the very last he would hold Atsumu close, he shouldn’t have had hesitated, he should’ve said straight to his face that yes, he’s in love with him. If he knew Atsumu was going to leave this way, he shouldn’t have said anything, he shouldn’t have allowed himself to be vulnerable around him, he shouldn’t have let his feelings spill so carelessly like that.

 _I love you, I love you, I love you_ …those were the words that filled Kiyoomi’s mind as he sat there in silence, shoulders trembling, and tears flowing nonstop from his eyes, _I love you_ , he repeats in his head, like a spell, a prayer that soon, Atsumu will come back face him. And maybe, by then, they’ll both be unafraid and ready.

**_I’d spend a lifetime waiting in vain just to go back to the way we were before_ **  
**_Was it the wrong time, what if we tried giving in a little more_ **  
**_To the warmth we had before?_ **

Years have passed, and Kiyoomi dedicated his time to making his dreams a reality. His life was all about the hustle and he never stopped until he finally became a film director. He was able to create movies he wrote and was proud of all the achievements he’s received. Despite all of this though, he never really found the person he could love as much as he had loved one Atsumu Miya. He was always present in his works, every character he thought of, a part of Atsumu was there. Every scenery, every moment, it was to him that Kiyoomi offered them to.

A strange offer came into the mail one day, an offer to direct a music video for an up and coming band. Their record label seemed adamant to get him to direct the video that they also included a copy of the song in one of their emails. Lifetime, was the title of the song, the melody sounded so beautiful and enchanting and the singer’s voice was so relaxing that it, for some reason, distracted Kiyoomi from the lyrics, the message that the producer was trying to convey. Kiyoomi noted the hint of sadness in the singer’s voice as if he was singing for a lost love and somehow Kiyoomi can relate. Upon the second listen, Kiyoomi finally took note of the lyrics and it was then that the tears started rolling down his cheek. He was surprised, of course, how just the first line can bring back so many memories and so many feelings he buried so deep. It all bursts out in the open and as the song ended, every unresolved feeling he has for one person was laid out to him in the open. He immediately contacted the record label and agreed to meet up with the producer and the band to discuss the video. Soon after, Kiyoomi has locked himself in his office working on the script and the storyboard.

The morning of the meeting with the band came and Kiyoomi never felt more ready in his life. With the script and storyboard in hand, he marched towards the label’s office in full confidence. When he arrived, he was told that the producer and the band are already waiting for him in the conference room. His nerves were finally starting to pick up upon seeing the door to the conference room, and he practiced all the words he’s going to say in his head with every step he took. He inhaled sharply as he held the doorknob and opened the door when he exhaled. The band was there, conversing happily with each other and with the person Kiyoomi thinks was the song’s producer. His back was facing Kiyoomi at the time when the band suddenly stopped talking and smiled at him. The producer then stood up, still back facing him and Kiyoomi notes the man’s blonde locks, his broad shoulders, and noted that he’s almost as tall as he is. “Um, hello, I’m Sakusa Kiyo—”

There was silence in the room as the man turns around and faces him, reaching for the hand he has offered. “I know.” The man smiles at him, gaze just as intense as Kiyoomi remembered. “At…su…mu?” he mutters and the man smiles. It was him.

_**Is there a lifetime waiting for us?** _  
_**All this time, I have been yours.** _

☆

_“How have you been?”_  
_“I’m fine.”_  
_“Anyone in your life right now?”_  
_“Not really. To be honest, after you, there really wasn’t anyone else.”_  
_“I’m flattered.”_  
_“…”_  
_“…”_  
_“I’m sorry.”_  
_“For what?”_  
_“For leaving like that.”_  
_“I mean, I guess I understand.”_  
_“I don’t think you do.”_  
_“Nope. I don’t.”_  
_“I was scared you see. I kinda knew all along that there was something there and yet I was never ready to face them.”_  
_“Why?”_  
_“Because it’s you.”_  
_“…”_  
_“You were the one person that I was scared to lose all this time, and I just…”_  
_“Let me go…”_  
_“Let you go.”_  
_“Did you regret it?”_  
_“Every waking day of my life. I worked my butt off hoping that someday, my music will eventually find you and here we are.”_  
_“Here we are, indeed.”_  
_“Did you listen to the song?”_  
_“Yes. The moment it played; I was immediately struck with inspiration.”_  
_“I’m glad I was able to provide you with that. Especially since the song is about you.”_  
_“Huh?”_  
_“Yeah…”_  
_“I love the song, Atsumu.”_  
_“I could tell. Earlier, in the meeting” (laughs)_  
_“I love…”_  
_“Hm?”_  
_“I never got to say it and you never gave me a chance to so…I love you.”_  
_“You still feel that way?”_  
_“I don’t think I ever stopped feeling this way ever.”_  
_“Then, I love you too.”_

**Author's Note:**

> Find me on Twitter: @relifer_


End file.
